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Spending your love making time
By teaser dan
23, Jun 2002 - 00:38

Has it ever occurred to you how much time you spend living, just living? Doing the daily things that need to be done. Shopping, cleaning, looking after small cuts and bruises, attending to your schedule. You go from day to day gradually losing sight of your goals, your only aim is to see the week out and prepare for the next bout of living.

Being the “Man” of the house the responsibility was taken aboard without a thought, but after so many years of being strong and reliable it was taken for granted that he would take more and more, barely a thought about what keeps a man going. Spending love to make time and not having time to love. Until the proverbial straw was deposited upon his back. When he asked for a little something in return his needs were ignored.

Imagine my surprise when I woke up one day and discovered myself in that position, what I had was not a life. I was dying inside; my heart near choked to death by the humdrum. I suddenly realised that there was a whole big world out there and that I wanted a small part of it. I began to make attitude changes, small subtle ones at first.
No more being taken for granted, generous use of the no word, refusing to be volunteered for the little job that needs to be done outside of the home. Gradually it was noticed that all was not well with the workhorse. I eventually decided that this stable was going to have its doors kicked open, and that a change of pasture was needed. If I had to do it on my own then, so be it.

I have often thought that meeting Celia at this time was fortunate or that she was a branch for me to grasp as I floated down the river of humdrum but upon reflection I consider the meeting to have been just in time. She brings me peace as well as tenderness (and often a cup of coffee). I have never had anyone pour such love and kindness upon me. She knows when I’m sad and allows me to cry when I want to, she gives me the space to do what I have to and is there when I need her. To Celia living is not important; it is life that is important, she can see the beauty in everything about her and is teaching me not to frown. I watched her the other day when I knew she was nervous about a job interview, sipping coffee in a restaurant, she still had the life in her to play a quiet game of peek-a-boo with a small child at the next table. I fell in love with her once again.


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