Over the past 10 years we have received lots of requests for permission to use photographs or queries about articles published here on the site. We recently had a query about a particular post on our Online Forum aka Bulletin Board. The query wondered whether the following article was a hoax or genuine as they were undertaking some research for a book and they wished to contact the author. The post appeared originally on 19 March, the day after the 2006 Triple Crown game against England on the St. Patrick's Bank Holiday weekend. Obviously a leisure-filled weekend for DNA Brown - or not? So will the real DNA Brown stand up? The following is the post about St. Patrick's DNA:
St. Patrick wasn't French - so sue me. It's a little known fact that St. Patrick was married many times in different parts of the country - plus he had a wife at home in Wales too. My latest research that I have undertaken all by myself conclusively proves that St. Patrick was kidnapped here to Mayo.
A careful re-reading of his confessions clearly shows that he worked out there in the woods at Breaffy House for six long years. He was tortured and even forced to learn Irish.
It was the lovely ladies that brought him back though - he couldn't get them out of his dreams - they kept calling to him as Gaeilge - "A Phaidi comawn out and havva bit of craic". Drug taking was a problem back then even.
The most conclusive part of my research is a careful examination of the old maps. "Patrick's Bed" is writ large on so many different maps around the country - not just in Mayo now mind. Of course I have now visited every one of them and undertaken careful forensic examination of the sites. DNA analysis allowed me to match, over and over, the same individual - obviously traces of St. Patrick's long locks. It just takes a hair to identify an individual, as anyone who watches CSI will know.
But that is not all. Now that I know St. Patrick's DNA precisely I proceeded to match it against the modern Irish genome. Guess what? His rare Welsh DNA type is present in a small but exclusive section of Ireland's population! It's so close that they just have to be his descendants.
I went back to gather more evidence at all of the St. Patrick's bed sites around the country. I just needed a few hairs of his companion or companions. It was difficult work because of all the clover growing there [In fact in passing I unearthed another scandal there is no such thing in botany as a plant called 'shamrock' - shamrock IS clover! We have been fooled for all these years - and you thought a female lurking there in Da Vinci's Last Supper painting was bad!]
Of course I did find not one woman's hair but many. He was not monogamous by any means. Of course he could have been preaching to the ladies you say? But that's where DNA comes in again. Remember that select segment of the Irish population that I believe are descended from St. Patrick? Well when you look at the other half of their chromosomes the DNA match is perfect - the lovely ladies have their contribution there too. He had a predilection for a certain type - dark haired Cathleen Ni Houlihan types of course - what else?
Okay that's my story nearly complete - except I am sure you are wondering who can claim descendency from St. Patrick today? Do they live mainly in Mayo? Or maybe they are to be found exclusively around Armagh perhaps? Maybe they are today's Orangemen and Orangewomen? Or maybe Sinn Fein members have exclusive lineage from the great saint?
So far the DNA (and it's no coincidence that DNA is an anagram of DAN) evidence - the DNA evidence from a very large sample of the Irish population shows conclusively that the only people with St. Patrick's blood in them are RUGBY PLAYERS. You saw his genes out there on the pitch in Twickenham yesterday bravely and gallantly defending Ireland's honour against the old enemy - you saw the Castlebar Under 16s winning the Connacht League last week. Them's the descendants of St. Patrick! You will be able to buy the book soon ? available in all good and some not so good bookshops any day now.