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Posted by scrawny on March 12, 2002 at 12:38:33:
This just in...
Hussein threatens world peace following theft of Magic Door Technology World's psychopath mustachio Saddam Hussein is believed to have gained
control of Bosco's Magic Door and intends to use it in his plan of world
domination, says American military top brass. The door's technology was brought to the attention of Saddam Hussein
when the national TV station Allahababababad YWRX was showing episodes
of Bosco, dubbed for the Iraqi market. Hussein, obviously amazed by
RTE's technological ability to transport people to far away places,
ordered his Elite Guard to seize the Magic Door from RTE's storage
warehouse. Fear and panic spread through the international community after hearing
the shocking news and world supremo, US president George Double-yuh,
immediately responded by bombing the **** out Baghdad. "With this
technology," said RTE director general Bob Collins, "Saddam Hussein can
launch a full scale attack anywhere he chooses, anywhere in the world -
providing his Elite Translators have properly decoded the magic chant."
However, top anarcho-linguist Baxter Baxter explained that the Magic
Door rhyme is actually impossible to translate into Arabic "so it's
unlikely they'll get to their bunkers yet alone Washington DC." Black Republican, Colin Powell, echoed these concerns by issuing a state
of national emergency, placing "a soldier on every corner - and that's
pretty secure given the pride we Americans have for straight roads." No
one is sure when or where Hussein will use the door but every country of
the world is preparing for surprise attacks. "We don't know where this
rat is going to strike first but it could even be your very own
bathroom," warned Powell. Dr. Patrick O'Lafferty, RTE Mad Scientist and inventor of the Magic
Door, however, insists there is no cause for alarm. "We made the Magic
Door some time ago and in those days, we could only make it respond to
stupid rhymes so the users can't tell it where they want to go,"
explained Dr. O'Lafferty. "Technically, the only place Saddam can launch
an attack is Dublin Zoo and that won't do him much good; I'd like to see
him try firing a Scud out of the lemur pen."
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