Posted by Mike on July 05, 2002 at 20:02:19:
In Reply to: Re: English "colonialisim" -what a pile of crap posted by Wrong Wrong Wrong on July 05, 2002 at 18:19:49:
Well Im leaving tomorrow
Summer evacuation 'makes Portadown dumber and fatter'
New monthly figures from the DSS indicate that during July, the average citizen of Portadown suffers a 38-point fall in IQ and a 3-stone increase in weight. The shock figures are being blamed on the annual Drumcree exodus, when anyone with any sense leaves town, taking all the attractive women with them.
"Obviously these are average figures," explained DSS statistician Orla Harrigan. "The only way an individual would suffer such an IQ drop and weight gain in a single month would be to eat chips continuously while banging their head against a wall, which rarely happens outside Edgarstown."
A shock report last week revealed that policing the Drumcree dispute over the past six years has cost £1 billion - equivalent to £50,000 for every man, woman and child in Portadown. Few people, on hearing this horrifying statistic, could fail to think "that's enough money to get me out of this miserable hole". Hence the Portadown News, on behalf - we believe - of all the decent people of Portadown, urges the Government to let the angryheads knock seven bells out of each other, and give the rest of us a nice fat cheque.