14 things a you can do in a department store while the missus is taking her time:

01. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in people's trolleys
when they aren't looking.
02. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute
intervals.
03. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the ladies
toilet.
04. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone:
'Code 3 in Housewares... and see what happens.
05. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on credit.
06. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
07. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department? and tell other
shoppers you are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.
08. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: "Why
can't you people just leave me alone?"
09. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick
your nose.
10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk
if he knows where the anti-depressants are located.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously, while loudly humming the
theme from Mission Impossible.
12. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse through,
say: "PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"
13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor
and assume the fetal position and scream "NO!...It's those voices again!!!"

And last but not least:

14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then
yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!"