Peasants with pitchforks will take to the streets of Castlebar to shake their fists at premises selling dangerous substances which have "young people presenting at A&E departments." The march shouldn't take too long, there aren't many pubs left in the town anymore.

One local elder believes "These places could be closed overnight if planning restrictions were introduced" and he's right but despite the known damages of alcohol pubs create employment and are a focal point for the same rabble between protests. The mob denies they lack credibility and boast one local elder who works in the health service among their number.

Next week the town’s anger will focus on the letter W and all its evil connotations. No other letter is to be targeted.

Good luck to one and all.