Posted by Scrawny on March 08, 2001 at 23:11:54:
The following is a true story but I will not mention any names
There was this dude,good job;plenty of money,and he bough himself a brand new black Mercedes 300.He though he was the big man in his new car and pulled up outside a local shop in his town to buy a big f off cigar to be seen hanging from his mouth when he was driving.He asked the lady behind the counter for the cigar and she asked if that was his black merc outside.He said it was and she told him that because of that she wouldn't be able to sell him any cigars.He thought she was a bit bertie and demanded that she sell him a cigar(he thought he was something special with his merc and could afford to make a scene) but no matter what he said she wouldn't sell him a cigar so he swore he would neer come back to the shop and took off to another one.
He arrived at another shop and parked his big black merc outside and went in,put the elbow on the counter,and asked for a cigar.Again he was asked if that was his big black merc outside and he said it was and again he was told that because of that he couldn't be sold a cigar.This wrecked his head and he went totally bertie and knocked all the chewing gums and tic-tacs off the counter and stormed out and took off like a rocket in his big black merc.
He decided to do a few laps of the town to calm down and said to himself that he'd go to another shop and park around the corner this time.So that was what he did,he parked up(on a double yelow line mind you but he thought he was something special) and then he walked around the corner to another shop.He was a bit nervous walking in but he asked for his cigar.The lady serving him asked what he drove and he just flipped. He roared "I dirve a big F off black Mercedes 300 and I suppose that means you can't gie me a cigar!" The lady told him that he was correct and he dropped both of his elbows on the counter and asked why in the name of God would no one give him a cigar just cos he drives a merc.The lady said she couldn't tell him but she did tell him that no matter what shop he went to he wouldn't be served.He pleaded with her,went down on his knees and all and the sight of this grown man grovelling melted the ladys heart so she wrote him a letter explaining why he wouldnt get served and gave it to him on the condition that he would swear never to look at it until he was on his deathbed.He was a man of his word and swore that he would never look at it until then and she handed it to him.
Not many years later this man was on his deathbed(he was the big business man and gae himself ulcers and high blood pressure and all that craic)and he was nearly looking forward to death so that he could find out the answer to the question that had been plagueing his mind for so long now.He called for his wife and told her to open his safe(all rich men have saves in their houses) and told her to hand him the letter.
He had been waiting for this moment since the day he bought his merc that he was so proud of and wanted to experience the moment with a clear head and asked his wife if she might open the window to clear the stuffiness in the room.
This she did,and with trembling hands the man undid the seal of the envelope,closed his eyes and unfolded the letter......
He opened his eyes..read the first line "Dear sir,Since you are reading this you must be on your deathbed,below lies the answer to the question you have had been asking yourself........"
And just then a giant gust of wind blew in the window and swiped the letter out of his hands and blew it into the fire! On seeing this,the man died instantly.
Dunno about ye but I liked it,best thing about it is that it leaves no loose ends.......