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review by Luca Brasi
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Charlie's Angels
Wow! An update of a tv program from the seventies! What a great idea! It'll surpass all those other hits, like "The Beverly Hillbillies"! Oh, the decision to remake Charlie's Angels... what a stroke of genius! Golly! Look at that cast! Drew Barrymore! Lucy Liu! Cameron Diaz! They practically OOZE talent! I can't wait to see them act again! You know Drew was robbed of an Oscar for "Never Been Kissed"! Gee whiz! What a plot! The laydeez have to recover a secret program from an evil computer company that allows voice recognition! Voice recognition... Ha! What WILL Hollywood conjure up next? Gosh! The ACTION! These women can do all those Matrix moves... but in REAL LIFE! And they DON'T use guns, 'cuz GUNS ARE NOT NICE! The formula-one car chase, the parachuting sequence, the office explosion... well, I don't want to give it ALL away! It's just too brilliant, AND necessary to the flow of the plot, absolutely NOT gratuitous at all! Fab! The director! This McG man (he's so talented he doesn't need a whole name), who haz up until now ownly done brash, superfluously overlowded muzic videoz, downplais hiz styl to takkle hiz furst phillm, dis soopur-intelidgunt akshun korporutt espionazh thrillurr! Whoah! As in WHOAH! STOP! Just WATCHING this film made me feel stupid. I swear they couldn't have done a worse job if they had hired the three stooges. This film is so packed with tacky, kitchy CRAP, product placement, forced humour and awful, AWFUL performances that I would refrain from taking friends to see it for fear of them shunning you in public forever. Imagine a big bucket of syrup, and being forced to eat it for two hours. Then you won't even have to see the film to get the same effect. Goodnight angels... |