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    review by Luca Brasi                   Full Review List

Get Carter

"My name is Jack Carter, and you DON'T wanna know me".

My God, why didn't I listen to him...

Bad. Horrible. Ugly. These are just some of the words I think are too GOOD to apply to this film, the latest load of monkey manure produced by Sylvester Stallone. He plays Jack Carter, a mob heavy (he goes round collecting on debts, although he's not nearly as cool as John Travlota in Get Shorty) in Las Vegas who returns to his Seattle home for his brother's funeral. When he finds out the strange facts about his death he concludes that it was murder, and he sets out to find out exactly what his brother was involved in... I know, I know, it sounds interesting. Too bad Michael Caine did it all before back in '71 with the first Get Carter. Not that I have anything against remakes in general but they shouldn't have taken what's supposed to be the epitome of Cockney gangster films and bastardised it in this fashion. Stallone, as usual, registers a 0.1 on the facial expressions scale and depends on his veritable stalloneness to carry the film. That's a pity when you see the list of great actors that fill out the cast - Miranda Richardson, Rachel Leigh Cook, Jon C. McGinley, Alan Cumming and (gasp) Michael Caine - relegated to plain scenery, supporting characters for Stallone, who needs all the support he can get in this film.

I'm not saying the awful acting is the only problem. Stephen Kay's directing is awful too, but he's a veritable newcomer at this. Maybe next time he won't go for weirdo camera angles and strange editing (quick cuts, sudden slo-mo, that kind of thing). The script is worse, and considering David McKenna also wrote the incredible American History X, I make no excuses for him. As for the music, it's positively dire, with some of the worst techno music ever to be used in film.

If you can, hunt down the original Get Carter. I hear it's good. As for this pathetic attempt at a gritty thriller... I think it should just get smarter.

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