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We set out from base
camp with the four of my friends, Bertie Ahern, Eddie Hobbs, Mary Harney
and Pat Rabbitte. We hiked up the icy mountain trekking in three feet
of snow. Bertie was losing his oxygen and Pat gave him some of his. As
we marched up the cold, miserable mountain Eddie was driving us crazy
with his did you know? And How much? Then it began to get windy and it
started to snow. After a few seconds we were struggling to move because
the wind was pushing us back when Mary broke her leg. We debated what
to do with her and Eddie said we should stick her in a trolley
outside A+E. We finally decided that she could hobble along on one leg
[no Luas up here]. When we were out of the snowstorm we saw a few footprints.
Could there be more people climbing? We glanced at them cautiously but
they weren't any ordinary footprints. There was fur sticking out of them
and the footprints were about 30cm long and 13cm wide. This is getting
creepy, we said to ourselves. Mary was getting cold and could barely feel
her fingers, she had frostbite. Suddenly Mary disappeared out of vision.
'She must have fallen behind,' said Pat. 'There's no time to go looking
for her now,' I said. 'She's a goner, 'said Eddie gleefully as he thought
of the few euro saved on our food bill. As we walked on our oxygen was
running out, so we had to move quickly.' How much were the oxygen barrels?'
said Eddie.' €10 each,' replied Bertie. Oh No! Here he goes again.
Did you know you could get four barrels for €25 in Casey's, that's
€6.25 each a total saving of €3.75 by four. Look over there,
interrupted Bertie, there's a big furry thing over there. Take out your
gun Pat. BANG! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh…. You've shot it Pat. 'Oh No!' its Gerry
Adams. Luckily Pats aim is as bad as his policies and he's not fatally
wounded.' Thank god for that!'I nearly had a heart attack!' said Pat.
Only one bullet left, Good-Bye Eddie Bang! No! Tell…. My…. Wife….
to..go….to….the…cheapest…funeral…home.
to….buy…my…coffin, she could make a grand saving of €200.
Pat when we've finished climb I'm going to buy you
five pints in Fagan's, cheered Bertie. Look we've reached the top, stick
in the Irish flag. Now how many pints do I owe you Pat? Fagens here we
come.
The End
By David Faulkner
A Day in the Life of a 50 Cent Coin
By Cian McGowan
A dazzling, bright light shone from the roof of the till.
A mammoth, fat hand reached in, rummaged around the coins and pulled me
out. 'Here's your change Tom' said the chubby shopkeeper to the man. I
was handed over to the man.
The man placed me in his pocket. It was wet and had crumbs of crisps in
it everywhere. I noticed that there was a small hole in the pocket. It
looked like it led to nowhere so I didn't want to fall into it. The journey
was very bumpy and I felt as sick as a dog. OH OO!! I had fallen into
the hole!
It was even darker than the pocket and it was much scarier. I finally
came to a soft but rather smelly landing. I looked around and found out
that I was on the top of his shoe and the smell was coming from his feet.
I fell off the shoe and onto the ground.
It had been a long time since I was on the ground and I could see that
it wasn't going to be long before I was off again either.
A skinny, brown, fly-ridden hound dog was strolling along without a leash.
He licked me with his long, soaking wet tongue. I was drenched. He was
about to bite me but his owner came to the rescue and picked me up. This
man was slightly taller than the one before. He had dark hair and was
wearing a knitted, green jumper. The man wiped me with his snotty handkerchief,
and put me in his wallet.
The wallet was half torn apart and was made of some sort of cheap leather.
He placed me into a pouch. In the wallet there was my filthy granddad
two euro, my slightly less mucky mother one euro and my stainless cousin
twenty cent. We had lots of fun in the wallet telling jokes and scary
stories, until it suddenly became beaming bright again. We soon realised
that we were at a magic show.
The man was picked to come onto the stage. The magician, Keith Barry,
instructed him to give a coin. When I heard this I started to hop up and
down with excitement hoping that the man would pick me to be his coin.
I tried to get to the top of the pile of coins so that I would have better
chance of been picked. Soon the hand reached in and slowly felt around
for a coin and to my surprise he picked me. He put his tacky wallet back
in his pocket and handed me over to Keith.
The stage was pretty small but the lights were blinding . 'I am now going
to make this coin bend' announced Keith to the audience. He slowly started
to rub his thumb and index finger on me but only for around two seconds.
He was also with his other fingers taking an already bent coin into my
position and put me in his sleeve. The audience were amazed but I laughed
at how stupid there were. After the trick Keith gave me back to the man
who I was with before the trick.
I was having a great day nothing could go wrong now. Could it?
After the show the man went to a pub just like any average man would.
He bought a drink and gave me to the bartender who then put me in a till.
This till was much bigger than the one in the shop earlier on. It had
a red roof and glow in the dark stickers on the walls. It wasn't long
before I was taken out of the till again and given to a young boy.
This boy was small even compared to me! He had blonde hair and a really
pointy nose. The kid started to bite me with its razor-sharp, yellow teeth.
He couldn't break me though, as I am as strong as a brick wall. The kid
was making his way over to his mum. He handed me over to her with a disappointed
face. Phew I hated the child and I thanked the Lord that I wasn't in his
hands anymore!
'Thanks dear' mumbled the mum as she read her magazine. 'Mum is there
any chance I could get some pocket money now?' asked the blonde headed
kid. Please say no I was repeating to myself. I certainly didn't want
to spend any more time with him any more. 'Of course you can darling'
the mom replied 'here's two euro' Yes I wasn't being made pocket money
for the kid. 'O wait here's another fifty cent that you can have!' NOOOOOOO!!!!…
The Magic Rug
I marched into my room in a fierce rage. I sat on my bed and noticed the
hideous, dusty rug under my feet and mumbled 'for god sake, what a woman!'
and suddenly the carpet rose and I could see a well detailed world map
and below it was I will fly you anywhere you desire in big bold letters.
I thought for a while and then decided to go to Candyland. I got up on
the rug and in an instant we were there. I saw lollypops walking around
like posh people all dressed in their fancy liquorice and toffee. They
think there all that, but they re not. Afterwards I saw the most adorable,chubby
bear so cute I could eat it so I ate it. I didn't have to go far before
I caught sight of the richest ,chocolatiest ,sweetest toffees ever. There
was a whole shower of them. I asked them were they a gang ,they replied
yes and they said they're name was the tofia. After I ate them all I went
back to the rug. It took a while to get on and the rug could hardly lift
me. When I arrived home I walked into the living and my mom inquired about
where I was and I replied Candyland she claimed there was no such place
and she quizzed me and asked me did I know how long I was gone for, I
said about a day,no she replied, a week
I was sitting at home playing my PSP when my friend phoned and informed
me that the council had blown up the old toy factory and he wanted me
to help him to explore the ruins. I jumped at the idea and was out the
door in a flash. We rummaged for hours and found nothing but then a shiny
blue stone caught my eye. I grabbed it and all of a sudden there was a
sound like thunder. The next thing I knew I was in Rome, Pompeii. I figured
because Vesuvius and I had a funny feeling that something bad was going
to happen. I had just reached the market and was making my way over to
the blacksmith when suddenly the ground started to shake. I looked up
and saw black smoke bellowing out of vesuvius' giant mouth. The whole
market place came to a standstill. I turned my head from the direction
of Vesuvius and saw look of horror on every face in the market. The next
thing I knew Vesuvius was spewing lover everywhere. It was complete panic.
The whole of Pompeii was running for their lives. The only thing I could
think of was my family. I ran back and thankfully they out of home and
running out of the city. I joined up with them and we rushed out of Pompeii.
After we were three kilometres away, we stopped and looked back at the
smouldering crater that used to be Pompeii. Vesuvius was still erupting
and a cloak of dust and smoke was shrouding the city. Red hot lava was
smothering buildings and demolished the city.
