Ha! Don't Make Me Laugh
After finishing here trawl through the Brunching Shuttlecock's archives for pure madness
For your amusement....
Quotes from Actual Medical Records
a picture of Bill Gates after the infamous custard-pie incident
Ha!
1. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused an autopsy.
9. The patient has no past history of suicides.
10. The patent expired on the floor uneventfully.
11. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
12. Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
13. The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
14. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
15. The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.