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Leisure : April 1st Last Updated: 2, Apr 2018 - 10:02

WikiLeaks to Encourage Water Leaks?
By Your Man on the Grassy Knoll
1, Apr 2015 - 09:43

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Yesterday's announcement by Irish Water that leaks amounting to the total water usage in the city of Limerick are lost every day has brought an interesting response from some former members of the now defunct Castlebar Town Council who have teamed up with the Anti-Austerity Alliance, Richard Boy Barrett's People Before Profit and Right2FreeWater campaign to fight a new AntiLeaks Campaign.

They want to ensure that Castlebar is in the vanguard in the campaign to show that Irish Water is wrong about the leaks. A former member who preferred to remain anonymous stated that "There is no way that 18 swimming pools worth of water leaks out of people's houses every night." He continued "Everyone knows that only 3% of the leaks come from the domestic side". He added: "I saw it on the Internet." Another campaigner, named John, stated: "They claim to have vans doing drive-by meter readings but has anyone ever seen one of these vans? You have more chance of seeing the Google StreetView car or a Google self-driving car than an Irish Water Leak detector van."

"The only way to stop the leaks misinformation is to highlight the right to waste of water in a dramatic fashion". The spokesman said "We demand the right to leak. Why should we have to pay to fix a leaky tap? We are paying enough in general taxes for the man with the van to come and fix our leaks for us. Fix the mains first."

As part of the new campaign setting up Leaks2BeFree the new group have invited the world's most famous leaker, Julian Assange, the founder of WikiLeaks to move temporarily from the Ecuadorian Embassy in London to Marsh House in Castlebar.

One of the 20 Julian Assange doppelgängers used to make good his escape.
They managed to successfully extract him from the embassy building, where he had been holed up for the past three years, by having 20 Assange lookalikes walk out of the Ecuadorian Embassy at the same time - this confused the police waiting to arrest him so that they can extradite him to Sweden. He was ferried to Ireland and the President has welcomed him to stay in Marsh House, which is to be temporarily given embassy status, and hence diplomatic immunity for Assange.

Assange is due to give his first live press conference about the leaks at 2:00 pm on the first Wednesday in April in Marsh House. This will be a joint affair with the new pro-leaks campaigners, members of Leaks2BeFree. He will promote his right to leak information online and they will promote their right as Irish citizens and proud Castlebar burgers to leak as much as we want. Leaks should be free at the tap they claim.

So watch out for the new campaign called, remember you heard it here first,

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