I’m standing in front of the window at Victoria’s Secret trying hard to visualize myself in their featured "frock". It’s a black and fuchsia "cat suit" that is open everywhere but the feet---and I have to cover my mouth to keep from laughing out loud.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for sexy clothes---to a limit, and my husband could be "Vicky’s" number one fan! But, after nine hours at the office, three loads of laundry, dinner for five, and a brisk walk with the dog---sweats and a t-shirt have the most appeal.
And as I’m near comatose on the couch, the husband will walk in after work and announce to the household, "God, your Mother has no energy anymore"
Maybe he’s right! Marriage can take it out of you, all right! I have the fondest memories of our first year of "commitment". We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Every look, every touch, every little whisper was a promise of our future together, and we made promises even the saints couldn’t keep. He would help set the table, and I would wake at the crack of dawn to make his breakfast. He was a happy little camper. Then, the aliens came.
There is a child behind every wrinkle on my face, and for every night he wanted sex and I was too tired, a child is to blame. They invaded our once sane home, and destroyed our love life. They have held me captive for 20 years, and my husband is incapable of rescuing me. And how I ache to be rescued! What’s important now, is what I want---because at this point in life---if I’m not happy---"ain’t nobody gonna be!" And I want it all!
I want to be awakened, gently, in my bedroom with Cinnamon flavored coffee served on a white wicker tray. Delicate slices of French toast topped with whipped cream should sit on a bone china plate. A pink linen napkin holding my silverware would be briskly opened and placed on my lap, and all the while the husband and children will smother me with praise and kisses.
With the flick of my wrist, a tiny bell would signal the completion of the meal, and instantly, I would be escorted to my bath. After a long, relaxing soak, warm towels would wrap me further into relaxation, as I plan for my daily adventure. The maid would ask my dinner "wishes", and after reciting a lengthy menu, I would be off to the mall!
Evening finds me in a gown by "Dior" sipping an ice cold "Cosmopolitan"---perfectly posed on the chase waiting for "him" to come home. Of course, he finds me irresistible, and we make mad, passionate love for hours, right there in the living room—with no aliens invading! (now that’s a fantasy) The evening ends with "him" carrying me to the bedroom and placing me on the white coverlet amid hundreds of pink rose petals!
OK---I’m back! Amazing what the window at "Vicky’s" can do to a gal! So---I purchase a sexy little number and plan an evening of romance.
The house is semi-clean, and most of the aliens are out for the evening. I strike a pose on the sofa and wait for the husband to arrive. After what seems like a week---he comes in! He stares at me, long and hard, walks to me and kisses me lightly on the forehead---
"What’s for dinner, hun? I’m starving"
The aliens have abducted my husband.